Written by Podunker:The Liztress
Finding General Knoxx was hard to do, not because of his location but the fact that he claims to be in the future. Once we found the time he was in, it was all a matter of following the signs to his Secret Armory. General Knoxx was all too happy to speak to us as he told us he’s been having lots of free time lately since his last encounter with the Vault Hunters.
1. My name is General Alphonso Knoxx, son of Guillermo Delphino Knoxx III. This is all the introduction you will get from me.
2. I had to go find one of those old time tweetergram just so I could capitalize. So you know, in the future: No one capitalizes.
3. My major dislike is Mondays. I hate that day with a passion and if possible I would blast it off the week.
4. Only person I hate more than Mondays is my boss, Admiral Mikey. He’s literally a kid. Damn nepotism!
5. Speaking of him, I totally wasn’t the one who pushed him down 30,000 stairs and killed him.
6. Want to visit Pandora? I don’t know why. Place smells like hemorrhoids wrapped in bacon. Classified information on how I know what that smells like.
7. For those who follow my tweetergram thing, you should know that the tweets time travel.
8. If you don’t, you should follow my tweetergramming machine. It’s http://twitter.com/generalknoxx.
9. Have you met Moxxi yet? That woman tries too hard to look younger than she really is.
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10.
My armor is custom made. It’s a specialized Devastator mech with dual Particle Projector Cannons mounted into the arms. Only the best get to wear this bad boy.
11. The state of the art Eridian technology that the Cannons are made from allow them to be able to lock and home in on targets. None of the other Devastators have this.
12. When I’m not guarding the Secret Armory or bashing my men, I like to sight see the many things in Pandora.
13. My favorite attraction is the World’s Largest Bullet. You might think it’s a waste of money but I doubt you’ll find another one like it.
14. The place that I don’t like going to? Easy, Moxxi’s Underdome. Why would I go there when I can murder people from the comforts of the Armory?
15. I had a bunch of ear ringer tweetergram photos that my secre-friendy took but most were damaged when I found her charred body.
16. Before being assigned to Pandora, they had wanted me to be a suicide help line operator. I’d think I would be the last person someone would want on the other end of the line.
17. If you think you can take me out, remember this: I won a fight against myself. Though I hate to say that it cost me an eye.
18. What’s the deal with that Scooter guy? He came up to me one day asking if I “wanted to catch his ride” and I’m sure it was him hitting on me. He’s lucky I didn’t kill him.
19. Of all the guidelines we are expected to follow, I have trouble with the one about not murdering “civies.”
20. Thanks to the Vault Hunters, my suicide attempt was thwarted. Never mind the fact that the large bomb I had was just for looks.
21. My troops are “retarded.” Anyone other there with an IQ higher than Admiral Mickey’s breakfast is more than welcomed to join the Crimson Lance.
22. Despite what people think, I don’t hate ferrets. I just like to assault them.
23. I knew it was time to take matters into my own hands when Admiral Mikey sent me an “important” package filled with 14 sponges, melted chocolate, and a mix tape.
24. I tried to talk the Vault Hunters into blowing Pandora up with me but they turned me down.
25. You’d think someone like me in the future would be more tech savvy than I am. But most of the technological stuff was handled by my secre-friendy.
25 Things About Me: General Knoxx from Borderlands in Pandora
